Killing me softly

I have scars deeply imbedded in my soul. I am battling a silent, but deadly virus, that has defiled and crippled me. I often feel I have reached the point to where I feel I cannot go on any further, where I have no "fight" left in me. It has absorbed my energy, feelings, pride, self-esteem and ability to think clearly. It is ripping through my body showing no mercy, no compassion, and no love. My pain is it's pleasure. My horror is it's happiness. My suffering is it's satisfaction. It feeds off of my unpure feelings. It walks as if it was human. But nothing human could be so cruel.
I shout silent screams for help, as if I was drowning in my own pain and sorrows, gasping for air. It is mentally turning the dagger slowly & sharply, that has pierced through my heart. The pain has become unbearable, hitting me from every angle. Taking shot after shot at me. Hitting me when I am low.
It has stolen memories and memory making events from me. I was told that it will only take from me what I will allow it to. Do I really have the power & strength to stop this madness? I want to stop it so badly. I cannot go on much further with this pressure being placed upon my shoulders holding me down. How do I begin to fight it when it spent so many years destroying me? It purposely took from me the strength I need to stand up to it.
I often try to turn my back and walk away from it. But it follows me, creeping behind me quietly and attacking me once again, at the first sight of a smile. It has gained too much power for me to turn my back against it. It must be faced head on with my head held high. It must know I am not attempting to run from it, but that I willing to fight it and win.
And so I sigh... while I sit here plotting on a victory that I must win to regain my life, it stands before me laughing at the victory it has already won.