I realized something today... I learned something about myself that will change me for the rest of my life... I finally understand why I am the way I am... I am not afraid of love... I am afraid of having my heart broken.
So now that I have figured this out, what do I do? Where do I go from here?
I'm so tired of crying... when will the tears stop flowing down my face? These sleepless nights of wondering why just aren't fair. After all, I have done nothing. I feel as if I am being punished or if a curse is placed upon me...
I want to feel the satisfaction of unconditional love so badly I could almost taste it. But I love myself too much to accept just anything... I must demand only the best... only true love. Love that cause drama or is possessive. No, I require a pure love... filled with trust, honesty and respect.
I desire this love... but I am not desperate for it.
Monday, July 16, 2007
What kind of girl am I...
So the question was asked to me… “What kind of girl am I?” So here we go…
I am the kind of girl who…
… quotes her favorite movies during regular conversations.
… use to be scared of love.
… knows the location of most malls from Miami to Maine.
… thinks about her son almost each and every minute of everyday.
… is so organized I became anal.
… thinks height, light eyes & a big heart is sexy.
… flips through magazines for the pictures.
… can save money like seatbelts save lives.
… loves to cook & loves to invent new creations.
… loves to read peoples blog but hates reading books.
… could write the entire day if I could.
… observes everything.
… holds anger back until it’s too late.
… helps elderly people at all times.
… cannot remember names.
… will love you unconditionally if you do not hurt me.
… use to cry myself to sleep almost every night, until recently.
… will make a dollar out of 15 cents.
… will tell someone what they need to hear to make them smile.
… loves roller coaster.
… gives people too much credit.
… enjoys nature’s beauty.
… over thinks at times.
… is insecure.
… is terrified of parrots, and most other birds.
… wishes on shooting stars.
… your mother warned you about… Just kidding. I was just seeing if you were still with me.
… loves to work.
… loves to play video games & could beat most guys at Madden.
… likes getting dirty. (Get your mind out of the gutter)
… enjoys fishing… but won’t touch live bait.
… loves comedies & hates romance. (movies)
… doesn’t eat fruit, except for strawberries & lemons.
… doesn’t drink ANY soda.
… still believes in the “American Dream.”
… wants a Cinderella wedding.
… wants to love & be loved.
So... now that you know what kind of girl I am... Tell me, what kind of girl / guy are you?
I am the kind of girl who…
… quotes her favorite movies during regular conversations.
… use to be scared of love.
… knows the location of most malls from Miami to Maine.
… thinks about her son almost each and every minute of everyday.
… is so organized I became anal.
… thinks height, light eyes & a big heart is sexy.
… flips through magazines for the pictures.
… can save money like seatbelts save lives.
… loves to cook & loves to invent new creations.
… loves to read peoples blog but hates reading books.
… could write the entire day if I could.
… observes everything.
… holds anger back until it’s too late.
… helps elderly people at all times.
… cannot remember names.
… will love you unconditionally if you do not hurt me.
… use to cry myself to sleep almost every night, until recently.
… will make a dollar out of 15 cents.
… will tell someone what they need to hear to make them smile.
… loves roller coaster.
… gives people too much credit.
… enjoys nature’s beauty.
… over thinks at times.
… is insecure.
… is terrified of parrots, and most other birds.
… wishes on shooting stars.
… your mother warned you about… Just kidding. I was just seeing if you were still with me.
… loves to work.
… loves to play video games & could beat most guys at Madden.
… likes getting dirty. (Get your mind out of the gutter)
… enjoys fishing… but won’t touch live bait.
… loves comedies & hates romance. (movies)
… doesn’t eat fruit, except for strawberries & lemons.
… doesn’t drink ANY soda.
… still believes in the “American Dream.”
… wants a Cinderella wedding.
… wants to love & be loved.
So... now that you know what kind of girl I am... Tell me, what kind of girl / guy are you?
The beat of a broken heart
Do you ever notice that when you are in love your heart beats a million times per minute... but when you are hurt by the ones you love, it seems to beat a million more? Or what about when you are so in love you feel like your walking on air... but when you get hurt you suddenly cannot breathe?
I once read that the three words needed to hold a relationship together were not "I love you," but infact "I am sorry." I believe that to be true. But then why is it that those words aren't always used? Why are those three words feared so much? Sometimes all that is needed is to hear those words. The three words and then to NEVER do it again. If you do say sorry, and then do it again afterwards, you take the meaning out of the words, and then they become just words.
If you really love someone, and do not want to loose them, and you really honest to GOD are sorry for any wrongs... say the three words that will keep your love alive. Say, "I am sorry." And more than that, be sure you do not do it again.
I once read that the three words needed to hold a relationship together were not "I love you," but infact "I am sorry." I believe that to be true. But then why is it that those words aren't always used? Why are those three words feared so much? Sometimes all that is needed is to hear those words. The three words and then to NEVER do it again. If you do say sorry, and then do it again afterwards, you take the meaning out of the words, and then they become just words.
If you really love someone, and do not want to loose them, and you really honest to GOD are sorry for any wrongs... say the three words that will keep your love alive. Say, "I am sorry." And more than that, be sure you do not do it again.
Death
Death comes in all shapes and sizes... sometimes you don't have to be physically dead to be dead inside.
The cold feeling in the pit of my stomach is quickly traveling through my heart... it feels as if it is going to splurge out of my mouth if I let out a cry. I try to hold it back with all my force... but the cold feeling is stronger than my mentality. It is consuming my heart, mind, and soul at an unexplained speed. When will it end?
I don't want to be here... yet I don't have anywhere to go. How can I run from this feeling that is deep within me? My heart is now fully consumed. My mind is almost gone. And my soul... I cannot even feel it.
I'm drowning... I cannot breathe. It has taken over me. My thoughts have gone completely dark... there is no sign of light. My calls are going unanswered.
What felt like heaven, has now turned to my hell... More than wanting, I NEED to be saved.
The cold feeling in the pit of my stomach is quickly traveling through my heart... it feels as if it is going to splurge out of my mouth if I let out a cry. I try to hold it back with all my force... but the cold feeling is stronger than my mentality. It is consuming my heart, mind, and soul at an unexplained speed. When will it end?
I don't want to be here... yet I don't have anywhere to go. How can I run from this feeling that is deep within me? My heart is now fully consumed. My mind is almost gone. And my soul... I cannot even feel it.
I'm drowning... I cannot breathe. It has taken over me. My thoughts have gone completely dark... there is no sign of light. My calls are going unanswered.
What felt like heaven, has now turned to my hell... More than wanting, I NEED to be saved.
Love is...
Love is an unbelievably strong force… so strong that it cannot be controlled. When your heart wants to love… you have no control. It’s just the way it is. I said plenty of times I wouldn’t love again. And for a longtime, I stood true to that. But then the ole’ ticker went soft on me… and as he came in, my love poured out. Strange as it may be to me still, I do not fully understand this emotion. But it feels great… and I have no complaints. Scared? Of course… who wouldn’t be having gone through what I have. But with this unexplained trust, I continue forward.
I said in a much earlier blog, that real love couldn’t be replaced. I stand true to that. I have learned that real love does not try to replace another love… it works together as one. A man must truly love and respect me to offer that to me. And for that gift, I am grateful and I thank you.
Love makes me feel like you are only in the other room, when you are really a million miles away. Love puts pep in my step, and a smile on my face. I welcome it with my arms open. Whether this love last for a season, or hopefully an eternity, I am forever blessed for having the opportunity to experience it. Have you loved today?
I said in a much earlier blog, that real love couldn’t be replaced. I stand true to that. I have learned that real love does not try to replace another love… it works together as one. A man must truly love and respect me to offer that to me. And for that gift, I am grateful and I thank you.
Love makes me feel like you are only in the other room, when you are really a million miles away. Love puts pep in my step, and a smile on my face. I welcome it with my arms open. Whether this love last for a season, or hopefully an eternity, I am forever blessed for having the opportunity to experience it. Have you loved today?
Scales Of Friendship...
Share with me, and I will share with you.
Respect me, and I shall respect you.
Love me, and I will love to love you.But hurt me, and I will be hurt.
Respect me, and I shall respect you.
Love me, and I will love to love you.But hurt me, and I will be hurt.
Life through my eyes...
From the time I began kindergarten, and even still now as a young adult… I have heard people say, “Life is and always will be what we make of it.” I never quite put any thought into it, until now. I know it is only 4 days into the new year, but it has been a great 4 days. I am looking at my life so differently now… I am happy. It use to be that only Isaac could make me happy… now I am happy because I am here, with all these amazing blessings around me. I feel as if I just work up from a 5-year sleep. My stress lifted off of me with the start of the New Year and I plan to keep it away. After all, there is nothing a little rest & relaxation can’t cure. I have a feeling of confidence within me… it’s a great feeling.
Want to know what is even a better feeling? The feeling that your family provides to you… it is so many things all bunched together in one great feeling. While it does provide the feeling of confidence, it also provides the feeling of belonging, love, respect and so much more. A person does not have to be born into or married into your life to be considered family. Sometimes a good friend can become great family. I am grateful for the family I have… the family I was born to, as well as the family that grew into my life.
I feel kind of “fruitish” being all sentimental, but this is how I feel right now. I wonder how long this will last? Oh, well… I’m going to enjoy it while I can.
On another positive note… I taught my son how to use variable numbers in math and how a number to the 2nd exponent works. He is only 7 and in 2nd grade and is doing work out of my pre-algebra book… let us all remember that usually isn’t taught until middle school. He loves math, he asked me last night if I can teach him a different type of math each night… I’m sorry to have to tell him this but I can only do this for a few more weeks… MOMMY ISN’T TOO GOOD AT MATH!
I’m just so proud of my lil’ man… he is really growing up into a fine young man. He is so caring, thoughtful and full of love. He is special… more than just a blessing, he is a godsend. He is beginning to look so much like his father. I find myself staring at him in amazement almost everyday to think how much he has grown into him.
I have not yet gotten over the loss, it is something I just cannot make myself accept, but I am on my way to dealing with it better. He is someone I will never forget, and never want to forget... he is more to me than being the father of my child, he is a part of me. But, I do want to get to the point where I do not break down at the very thought of him being gone. I miss him so much... I am grateful for the bond he and I continue to share. My son's father taught me a lot about life, a lot about myself and even more about being a strong parent. He provides me with a sense of being... a sense of strength. Last night, when I felt alone... he gave me the feeling of comfort.
Love is patient, love is kind... love is ever-lasting. I do not believe in "until death do us part," because not even death could seperate us. I love you Meek.
Want to know what is even a better feeling? The feeling that your family provides to you… it is so many things all bunched together in one great feeling. While it does provide the feeling of confidence, it also provides the feeling of belonging, love, respect and so much more. A person does not have to be born into or married into your life to be considered family. Sometimes a good friend can become great family. I am grateful for the family I have… the family I was born to, as well as the family that grew into my life.
I feel kind of “fruitish” being all sentimental, but this is how I feel right now. I wonder how long this will last? Oh, well… I’m going to enjoy it while I can.
On another positive note… I taught my son how to use variable numbers in math and how a number to the 2nd exponent works. He is only 7 and in 2nd grade and is doing work out of my pre-algebra book… let us all remember that usually isn’t taught until middle school. He loves math, he asked me last night if I can teach him a different type of math each night… I’m sorry to have to tell him this but I can only do this for a few more weeks… MOMMY ISN’T TOO GOOD AT MATH!
I’m just so proud of my lil’ man… he is really growing up into a fine young man. He is so caring, thoughtful and full of love. He is special… more than just a blessing, he is a godsend. He is beginning to look so much like his father. I find myself staring at him in amazement almost everyday to think how much he has grown into him.
I have not yet gotten over the loss, it is something I just cannot make myself accept, but I am on my way to dealing with it better. He is someone I will never forget, and never want to forget... he is more to me than being the father of my child, he is a part of me. But, I do want to get to the point where I do not break down at the very thought of him being gone. I miss him so much... I am grateful for the bond he and I continue to share. My son's father taught me a lot about life, a lot about myself and even more about being a strong parent. He provides me with a sense of being... a sense of strength. Last night, when I felt alone... he gave me the feeling of comfort.
Love is patient, love is kind... love is ever-lasting. I do not believe in "until death do us part," because not even death could seperate us. I love you Meek.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)